You and I have often talked about how to maintain goals we set. And those we don’t keep…
This month—beginning Monday, Feb. 1st—I pledged to begin an intensive picture book study, committing to at least 5 hours a day studying/reading/writing picture books. I’ve “pledged” before, but life…especially “important” family and work commitments keep getting in the way. Sound familiar?
This study commitment will require fortitude and organization. A writer friend of mine, Cindy Faughnan, recently set herself up with a Bullet Journal. A tuck it into your purse or pocket paper-pen-ink-no-battery-required journal. In support, she sent me a link to a basic How-To Bullet Journal U-tube video. Here's the link: The Analog System in the Digital Age.
After viewing, I bought my journal—bright pink—selected “the” pen, and following the step-by-step instructions, began setting up my journal. But I had a few questions…
Turns out this Bullet Journal video is not a one-off; it’s part of a cult-er…craze…er website. There's a library! A Blog! A Store!!!! And slews of videos featuring other bullet journal aficionados showing & explaining their particular journaling styles. Too many . . .
My excitement over this simple little system turned to angst.
- Was I numbering correctly?
- Bulleting, dashing, circling, arrowing appropriately?
- Were my squares large enough?
- Too large?
- Should I color code it? Is that twee? Or just one pen? If one, which?
- Should I write my goals on the front cover or first page?
- Should my Future Log go across or down?
- Should I copy a calendar and tape it in. Or create my own.
- How many pages would I need for my monthly/daily task lists?...
- How many other pages—books, movies, words, ideas, goals, writing project, house projects…what am I forgetting?
- What if I mess it up?!!
I can not have an ugly Bullet Journal…
After ripping out and starting over a few times, I quit. I had to. My Bullet Journal was on the verge of being pageless.
Feb. 3. was a dark day. I woke worrying about how I was going to continue my planned picture book intensive study if I couldn’t even manage a Bullet Journal?
In the wee hours before morning I laid in bed driving myself crazy thinking about this Bullet Journal and all the other to-dos on my list, when It dawned on me how instead of mentally agonizing, I could agonize on the page and thus at least accomplish something…my Morning Pages!
Trouble was, I couldn't find any paper on which to write my Morning Pages. The last notebook I'd used to write Morning Pages was full. And I couldn’t find another one…anywhere. Was I destined to fail at this, too??
Then something one of the gals in one of those “Let Me Show You MY Bullet Journal” videos popped into my head. She’d been sharing how she had refashioned her weekly task list from the previous year and then, after all that work, said: “I’m going to try it. If I don’t like it, I’ll do something else next month…”
Hallauah!!! (Que the Choir!)
This is MY Journal. There was no rule saying it could “only” be a Bullet Journal... Or that it had “last” for a year... Or more than a month…Or be pretty...
There was only one rule: If it’s going to work, it has to work for me.
I flipped half-way back and begin my morning pages there. Done.
. . . Minor problem. The page number? (Every Bullet Journal has an index to each section.)
Very handy, but . . . Should I count all the pages so I could number the page about half-way back, I’d designated Morning Pages 1? Or write my darn Morning Pages?
I made the tough decision: I stuck a post-it sticky on the first Morning Page—so I could find the spot again, took a breath and especially pleased to know that everything I needed to begin my days—my new Bullet Journal, pen, stick-notes & designated Morning Pages pages all in one tidy book—I began to write…
If you’ve stuck with me through this entire post, I have no doubt you’re thinking—boring… tedious...if this is the worst of her worries… What a waste… a waste of time…hers and mine.
It’s tedious for me, too. That’s my whole point.
Agonizing, doubt, questioning, beating myself up, aka “worry” is, in the words of Ben Franklin “Interest paid on trouble before it is due.”
But, “worry” is what I do. If I'm going to play, I have to pay—first. That's how I roll. I have to circle before I can begin anew. I have to get to that place where I am willing to allow myself to tear out a few pages, let go, make mistakes. Only then can I find my way in. This time, it was creating new routine. Next time, it will be something else…
Trust in the Process. (I’m writing that in my Bullet Journal.)
...On a new page, that I'll number, and add to the index, so I can turn to it easily P.R.N.
Shot Myself in the Foot Playlist:
- It's A Simple Little System from Bells are Ringing
- Way Back Into Love from Music & Lyrics